February 25, 2011

so small

There are moments in life that make you stop. Think. Pray.

My dear friend went in for a routine scan 2 days ago and the doctors found a tumor on her brain. In 2 days, her whole life was turned upside down and as I write this, she is being prepped for brain surgery to remove the tumor while her family waits and prays. When I speak to her, she is calm and peaceful. She knows God loves her and is with her. She isn't worried about anything. How I long for that peace and security.




We tend to go through life as selfish creatures. When I started dating Michael, I realized how selfish I was. The more serious our relationship became, the more I had to consider him in everything. This was not an easy transition for me. As babies, we care only about ourselves. We cry and cry and don't care who is sleeping because we are hungry and we want to be fed right now. We grow up and these tendencies continue, in one way or another.

When Jesus told His disciples that He was going to be with His Father in Heaven, the Bible says the disciples mourned their loss. They questioned why they had ever followed Jesus in the first place if He was just going to leave them. In John 14:28, Jesus told them that if they loved Him, they would rejoice because He was going to be with the Father. This was going to be a great thing for Jesus, He was going to be with God. But these men could only think about themselves and how this situation affected them. They were being selfish.



All this to say: I am learning...


A life lived for yourself, constantly trying to get your needs met, worrying about how everything affects you, worrying about what people think of you... is a very empty life. When you get to the end of yourself, there is not much there but loneliness.

A life lived for others, giving generously, not taking things personally, seeing everything beyond yourself... is a joyous, fulfilled, blessed life.

There is so much joy, happiness, fulfillment, love around me. I tend to take the one or two negative things in my life and dwell on those. One thing I have learned this week: to focus on the blessings. In every way. I woke up was thankful for everything around me. Even at my worst, I am incredibly blessed. When I think on those things, I am peaceful.



Michael took  me to the beach last night. After dinner, we got hot tea and drove to the ocean. We walked on the beach and stared into the blackness. There is something about the ocean that makes me feel so small. When the pressures of the world are too heavy to bear, I usually drive to the beach and think about how big the ocean is. How deep, how wide.

Romans 5:8 says God loves us so much that despite our sin, despite how unworthy we are, He sent His only Son to pay the ultimate price so that we would have victory in this life and the next. He loves us so much. His love for us is infinitely deep and infinitely wide.

It makes everything else seem so small.

15 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for this beautiful post.

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  2. This is a wonderful post. I love you so much, Jenna :)

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  3. All things we need to remind ourselves again and again. I am 51 years old and still have to keep myself in check and focus on all the good & how blessed I am. Prayers and good thoughts being sent your friend's way.

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  4. Prayers for your friend, the doctors' to be blessed that day, and for strength for you to be an awesome encouragement to her!

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  5. Thank you everyone!! I wasn't sure how this post would be received. I am so thankful for your open hearts :)

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  6. amen. i love God too. :) i am praying for more joy this year too. verse i've been meditating on is "rejoice always, pray continuously, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1 thess 5:16-18 :)

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  7. Jenna, this post is really well written, thoughtful and beautiful.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, but my thoughts are with her for a speedy recovery and hope that all will turn out well. When I hear things like this, it makes me feel SO selfish that I often complain about my headache, the work I have to do, the weight I have to lose, etc. I should feel lucky to just be healthy and alive. Thank you for making me remember this.

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  8. Jenna, I love this post honey. We can never begin to imagine how much God loves us and how much he desires us to live every day in the peace and joy that only comes from Him. I love you and this is the best post you have ever written. So real, so true, makes each of us stop and thank God for the wonderful blessings He has given us! You are one of my greatest! :)

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  9. I send love and prayers to your friend. Blessings are all around us. So often we get so caught up in everyday living that we forget the many blessings that God sends our way every day. Thanks for the wake-up call to remember our many blessings with a fantastic post! :)

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  10. Jenna B....I love you! Amazing post...and so much more impressive coming from one so young! I wish that I had my eyes so open to my selfishness when I was your age. You are a remarkable woman, indeed!!
    We are all blessed by your words and your heart. Thank you so much for sharing...I always knew you were special...you just confirmed it!!!

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  11. I hope your friend is okay. It is amazing how things wake us up and make us re-prioritize. I have that same feeling about the ocean - I so badly wish I could visit more often - there is something so grounding and soothing, I always say I feel like it resets me, like a computer re-boot.

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  12. Oh jenna this is beautiful. I hope that the surgery goes well. Your friend sounds strong and willful, and sometimes those two things alone are much more important than any chemo or surgery or radiation. Walking along the ocean tends to make me feel like anything is possible. It's so invigorating.

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  13. What a beautiful, thoughtful post! I appreciate your boldness :) It's so easy to get caught up in the temporary circumstances of life and forget the eternal impact we could be having, and the joy that comes from that. How thankful I am for the greatest example of humility Christ has given us!

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  14. jenna, this post literally took my breath away. you have made me really stop and think and recognize how lucky we really are in life. i wish the best, literally, the BEST for your friend. i pray so much that she gets better and meanwhile, best wishes to you and your family. thank you so much for writing such an amazing post~ ellie :)

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  15. Thank you for this thoughtful, thankful post.

    Have you ever visited www.brunstad.org? There's so many good, hopeful, thought-provoking articles there! We have such a hope!

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