There are moments in life that make you stop. Think. Pray.
My dear friend went in for a routine scan 2 days ago and the doctors found a tumor on her brain. In 2 days, her whole life was turned upside down and as I write this, she is being prepped for brain surgery to remove the tumor while her family waits and prays. When I speak to her, she is calm and peaceful. She knows God loves her and is with her. She isn't worried about anything. How I long for that peace and security.
We tend to go through life as selfish creatures. When I started dating Michael, I realized how selfish I was. The more serious our relationship became, the more I had to consider him in everything. This was not an easy transition for me. As babies, we care only about ourselves. We cry and cry and don't care who is sleeping because we are hungry and we want to be fed right now. We grow up and these tendencies continue, in one way or another.
When Jesus told His disciples that He was going to be with His Father in Heaven, the Bible says the disciples mourned their loss. They questioned why they had ever followed Jesus in the first place if He was just going to leave them. In John 14:28, Jesus told them that if they loved Him, they would rejoice because He was going to be with the Father. This was going to be a great thing for Jesus, He was going to be with God. But these men could only think about themselves and how this situation affected them. They were being selfish.
All this to say: I am learning...
A life lived for yourself, constantly trying to get your needs met, worrying about how everything affects you, worrying about what people think of you... is a very empty life. When you get to the end of yourself, there is not much there but loneliness.
A life lived for others, giving generously, not taking things personally, seeing everything beyond yourself... is a joyous, fulfilled, blessed life.
There is so much joy, happiness, fulfillment, love around me. I tend to take the one or two negative things in my life and dwell on those. One thing I have learned this week: to focus on the blessings. In every way. I woke up was thankful for everything around me. Even at my worst, I am incredibly blessed. When I think on those things, I am peaceful.
Michael took me to the beach last night. After dinner, we got hot tea and drove to the ocean. We walked on the beach and stared into the blackness. There is something about the ocean that makes me feel so small. When the pressures of the world are too heavy to bear, I usually drive to the beach and think about how big the ocean is. How deep, how wide.
Romans 5:8 says God loves us so much that despite our sin, despite how unworthy we are, He sent His only Son to pay the ultimate price so that we would have victory in this life and the next. He loves us so much. His love for us is infinitely deep and infinitely wide.
It makes everything else seem so small.