It's true. There have only been a few boys in my life that have actually held the title "boyfriend" and they have somehow all been meaningless summer flings. My relationship with Michael doesn't even compare to any of them, so in my heart Michael is the first boyfriend I've ever had. The only one that matters. The best.
I'm sure you all know that I love him something fierce. It's obvious in my other posts about him, and it's obvious when you talk to me. I want to be around him all the time and share every part of my life with him. The same is true for the holidays.
I am a creature of habit in the worst way possible. I hate change. HATE. When my Mom changes her living room furniture around, I walk in and exclaim ,"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" I am also a bit territorial. I was very uneasy about new friends in my "group" in college. When my sister started dating her husband a couple years ago, I wouldn't even speak to him until I knew he was good enough. Is that wrong? Probably... Sorry, Anthony. This is a trait about myself that I don't exactly like. I wish I was more easy going about traditions.
Michael is the same way. He is very traditional. When I mentioned Thanksgiving, he wouldn't even consider doing anything but the same thing he has done every year. He wanted to be with his family. I wanted to be with mine. We tried to compromise, but in the end we ended up spending our Thanksgiving apart.
For me, it put a cloud over my Thanksgiving. That morning, we actually fought on the phone about it. Our selfish hearts were undeserving of anything good that day. I also spent the day alone because my parents decided to do yard work all day (they would). My sister is married and wasn't home this year. My Aunt Debby's family decided not to come to dinner. It was all too much and I threw myself the biggest pity party ever.
Then my dear sister called. I rambled on and on about how stubborn Michael was being and how sad I was. After I was finished she said, "Can I tell you something?"
"No really. Are you ready to hear it because you won't like it."
Umm... at that point I was just curious. I was obviously not in a place to hear anything constructive. But I listened anyway.
"You are both being selfish. He may be wrong, but that doesn't matter. What's really important is removing strife from your life. Whatever it takes to forgive him in your heart and move on, is what you need to do. You cannot go through life worrying about getting your needs met. Think about how much he enjoys Thanksgiving with his family, and just be glad that he is happy." She said.
Wow. Speechless. Angry. Sad.
She was right though. I love him so much more than I could ever put into words. My selfish heart was wrong that day. I was looking at the situation and only considering myself... how not being with him affected me, how my needs were not being met.
I am learning that relationships are about choices. I don't believe in soul mates. I believe that life happened, Michael and I found each other, fell in love and are now choosing to be together. If our relationship was only based on feelings and emotions, it would be weak. We are strong because we understand that we choose each other, no matter what.
After all, Thanksgiving is about being thankful. It's about family and friends. It's not about being selfish. It's about looking outside of your self and seeing what is really important.
Thanksgiving was very different this year, but it was good. I enjoyed being with my family and after dinner was consumed and the dishes were done, I drove to Michael's grandmother's house to spend time with him and his family. I swallowed my pride. I chose him.